[like it's been hacked up by a cat]
What did I expect? Just because the guy was a contestant on Top Chef, his restaurant should be good? That's like going to a concert by an American Idol winner and expecting the Rolling Stones. But one likes to think there are some standards in the world. Standards that dictate things like, say, folks who make hundreds of thousands of dollars on TV as chefs, ought to be able to pull off passable burgers.
But when I went to Good Stuff Eatery in Capitol Hill last weekend, the feeling I came away with -- shit, "disappointed" doesn't begin to capture it. For starters, the place had all the right visual cues that I should expect great things. It was brand new, spic and span, sleek almost to the point of Jetsons-esque diner-kitsch futuristic. Then you look at the menu, which boasts about farm-raised beef, and has down-home contrived names for each of its sandwiches, like "Uncle D's Chili 'N Cheddar." So I ordered. I ordered the Good Stuff Melt, because it was the rare afternoon when I wasn't in the mood for bacon on my burger. At $6.89, the Melt promised three types of cheese, carmelized onions, and grilled mushrooms. KB and I split some fries with rosemary on them and I topped it all off with a black-and-white milkshake, kind of like a chocolate-dipped vanilla soft-serve after a few minutes in the blender.
Look at the picture above. That's how my sandwich arrived. The bun was so shriveled and moist that it looked like it had been used for fastball practice before it was served. The patty was 1/3 pound, tops, and this was a 7-dollar burger here. So I guess it wasn't quality or presentation that I was paying for here. Maybe the taste? Nope. I bit into a way-well patty with far too much cheese (I thought the "3 types of cheese" referred to variety, rather than a quantity of cheese meant to compete with the meat) and the other fixin's quite lost in the mix. This burger comes nowhere near even holding a candle to 5 Guys, even in spite of the chain's messiness. The milkshake? Sure, it was good, but it was an unseasonable 80 degrees out and I quickly lost interest. So it wasn't THAT good. The fries were run-of-the-mill. Nowhere near as deftly spiced as those from The Brewer's Art, and the dipping sauces (like the burgers) sounded good but came up way short. An Old Bay mayonnaise might as well have just been Old Bay and water, it was so heavy on the allspice. The mango sauce was not suited for potatoes of any kind. The sriracha mayo was great, but that was it.
For the first time in I don't know how long, I did not finish a burger and a milkshake. Not to mention a burger-milkshake-fires combo that came to almost $17. Get bent, Spike. This is the last time I go to a restaurant based on Top Chef endorsement alone.
FOOD: C-
I can cook a better burger than this in 7 minutes flat. Over-done, poorly-proportioned, pathetic presentation, unremarkable fries, and a tasty, but far-too-rich milkshake. All of it overpriced, to add insult to injury.
SERVICE: B+
Fine, whatever. The counter girl recommended the fries I chose, but they were nothing special. No one was mean or anything. We did see Spike drifting in and out of the place looking disinterested. A couple was overheard at a nearby table saying, "Why is he always here?"
AMBIENCE: A
I actually really dig this part of south Capitol Hill, and would consider living here if I ventured to move to Washington. Plus the decor was, for a burger joint, pretty ideal. It relived some of that 50s futuristic drive-thru glory that usually makes places like In-N-Out taste better.
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